Laura’s Superstar Blog!

I never knew sorrow could be so impermeable, so airtight
Like a winged creature that slithers in at night
it hooks its talons in
reminding the loss of babies
reminding the loss of a marriage and the man I loved
telling stories of before and what I might have been
it whispers in my ear
lulling me finally to sleep, but with nightmares in my head.
Sorrow walks with me now, a partner I wish to excise.

The wind is howling as a pack of hungry wolves. Searching for food that was not left for them. So I search for the comfort that lies in the fragrant oils of your hair, face, fingertips.
The cold will blister anything left exposed long enough. I would let your hum and words warm me. I would not need to live as a rock, blind to the weather, until I am worn into fine sands.
Chefs are slaving over their love dishes to fulfill their love kings. Shepards know and give loving safety to their love flocks. Maids tidy and clean the lovely dust for those searching for the cleanliness of some ethereal god. Tailors hem the love trousers of men with legs too long or short so as not to tatter them in their journey for love. Writers pen their love epics to love and love and love.
Somewhere monks are pouring sand into my constant and fluidly impermanent soul.
I adore you. I will sing it to every bird I meet. Tell it to every wise, old oak or pine or bodhi. And laugh it to every breeze that sways them and carries them.
I adore you. And you and you and only you and you and you.
I love all of you and only every last one of you.
I will charm my snakes for you. I will truly paint masterpieces for you. I will humbly wash you in the river and free you of the mud.
I will tuck you in at night, under a blanket of stars on our mattress made of the earth. My love is your pillow. And I do not need one. I have my love for you. And the breathing and sighing of the earth will be the sound of our mother’s womb. It will put us to sleep.
And I will be your dreamcatcher.

Blindsided I am.
Taunted
down to my heart;
the end of a bloodline

Blinded
Blindsided
Peer into the peering
and laugh
who would really be there to pick me up?
No one
No one

Taunted,
down to my heart
Who’s gonna hear your “Help me! Help me!” now??

This randomly popped up for me today and I just have to share. Sometimes randomness isn’t so random…..

“Everything happens for a reason, and even if you don’t understand what’s going on now, you’ll look back one day and know exactly why it had to happen.”

Pretty perfect.

“What questions shall I ask now that my form can be of words as easily as of flesh and blood?”

The language of psychiatric
Medical teams is tight
And both verbally
Inter textual and specified.
Beside the team,
The mind of the patient is held relevant in language
To be held in hospital while the doctors all fuss about
is rather humiliating
And makes one stare out the window at the beautiful buds that spring on the trees…
I can see him, such a long time ago, in that office.
Behind the glass taking notes
Notes that record the linguistic
Moment by moment inter related
Speech and nuances of a
Team brought together by expertise
And a shared outcome.
I remember the exact terminology
They used the day they
Made their breakthrough.
I can feel the flush that
Rose to my cheeks as my
Pen scratched crossways to another page
Of acted research and linguistic thought
Derived from such angled analysis.
Aren’t I more than just linguistics?
Don’t I exist somewhere as well where beauty lies in awe?
These things that make up a life are not so easily defined

Out of Limbo
I come
to find
myself
scattered
across the pavement
I search
creating
with found objects
a life.

It was Hot. I pretended to be Cold. I took off my Coat. The room Shivered.
Unable to think in Black and White, the mirror caught me and I had a hard time determining what color my hair really was. Southern guitars played in my head and dust collected on the bar. I got out of that place, bringing out the souvenirs I had inadvertently collected. Started the car, drove to the store then drove home where I cooked a feast, with no one to serve it to.

I pick through my dinner and do not resist memories re-surging of old pairings. After much thought I discover that none ever left me feeling like myself.
Now I am Soaked with found personality! Eventually I will dry up in the heat if not kept soaked. Here I am, a sponge.
I can’t eat. I am concentrating on becoming hard enough to break down the mirrors of bodily pain.
I catch myself studying for an exam that no one is going to give me.
For some reason I already feel like I didn’t make the grade. I should have focused a little more on anatomy. There’s a rock somewhere in my chest and I should really like to purge it OUT.
I studied the morphemes but never can remember why car*na*tions make me feel so uncomfortable. Or was it the symbolism of fennel that made me cry when reading Hamlet?

The sun is going down outside. I’m watching the sunset through the shades hanging in the window. I’m afraid the neighbors will see me in a moment of vulnerability and call some sort of thought police.
The radio ticks on and the thermostat hums a tune to me, I’m the only one here with ears for her.
This day with my mind has lingered on.
I turn to the moon coming on and calming down.

The tears are the unspoken words of my heart
the pain resides, it has found its home
I thank you, teacher
I have learned your lessons
I acknowledge your presence
But now you must be banished
There are no rooms left for you here
My corridors are clean
I have neither the desire nor the strength to carry you any longer
I scream and spit out your name
Yet I do not hate you
Be aware
I am undoing all that I have ever done
I have no place for your existence
I clear the vast halls of my mind
I sit in silence and gaze at the purity of the white-winded snow
The silence caresses me
The silence frees me
As the tears travel from my heart to my eyes, roll down to the nape of my neck
I cry
Unashamed
I cry
Untamed
I howl with this grief that haunts me
It has begun
I am afraid and un-afraid
Scared, scarred, brave
I am humble and grateful
I come to this altar of pain with the innocence of a child
I will face its sharp cutting edges, like tiny shards of glass released to embed
in every facet of my body
I will look deep into its meaning
Then
Release

The new pale moon washes across my face
Now hold my breath…
That night was the night I fell in love with you
Barefoot, from across a sea of foam
I stand before my moon
I stand before all that will witness this Love
One Love
Cell to cell
Soul to soul
We are One

Hold your breath
The silence is divine
The undoing is love
Acceptance
No rejection here
only Love, Healing, Light
and
Truth
I will speak the words of our heart!
Though no thousand words can express my love.
It grows stronger, deeper every day

Elation outreaches to the very filaments of the universe itself.
This heart expands every moment in an attempt to contain my love for you,
Yet to no avail…it overflows into every crevice of my being.
It overflows into every part of my life.
O sweet Love and all that is Good in this world!
You are my everything now.
Feel me.

Tell me what you think.
Do you love it, do you hate it? Indifferent?
Let’s introduce some dialogue here!